I F*#cked Up

I like to think of myself as being a critically minded person. Someone who doesn’t fall for bullshit. And, until yesterday, someone who could avoid making a truly hypocritical ass of myself on Facebook, because I keep myself informed and curious.

But that time has come. I fucked up. I lost all track of what I knew and who I was talking to. After three years studying politics in graduate school, I didn’t see when I walked right over the border into the land of things I don’t know about. And what’s worse, I was out there trying to talk politics because I thought the other side didn’t know what they were talking about.

I defended welfare reform for Clinton, without even realizing what I was doing.

And from the worst of neoliberal logic, and technologized social science..

I was so wrong. I am my own fool.

How did this happen? How did I find myself confidently arguing the epitome of the uncritical, uncaring, and, yes, racist technical bullshit that I thought I was so able to sniff out? Why did it seem to make so much sense?

First: I was being a pompous ass. It wasn’t a great day, I was stressed, and I started it.

Second: I have no doubt where my words came from, and those who know me well can probably place it. Its been a long time coming. As of this year, I have been reading The Economist for a decade. It has been my most cherished source of information. It has taught me economics. I know that for many it defines neoliberal journalism – they aren’t wrong – but I have continued to read it thinking that I could use its perspective without letting the logic (oh, they always have the clearest logic!) bury over what is obvious. Somewhere, reaching back, I remembered one of those wonderfully concise textbook explanations they sometimes print in the light blue boxes and it seemed as clear as day.

And I went with it.

I had no clue about the 1996 “Personal Liability and Responsible Work Opportunity Act.”

And it got heated. And I made it personal. And I didn’t back down.

I want to apologize to all of my dear friends for bullshitting you through that if you witnessed it. I love that you are all a source of daily insight and knowledge.

If I can build something out of this wreck, I’m reflecting on what I bias. I’ve been all over talking about “discourse” – and I really am concerned – and I let myself be biased about other people’s biases. I made a complete hypocrite of myself.

To my Bernie-loving friends: know that at least once a day I seriously convince myself that I would vote for him if I could in that moment; you may yet convince me.

Sorry for being an ass.

Love you all.